Greetings Ladies! Yes, it has been awhile...but no love lost, I've just been super-busy. I was listening to the radio yesterday, and an old song came on, the lyrics: "Whatever you want, whatever you need...anything you want done baby, I'll do it naturally. Cause I'm every woman, It's all in me.." Even more ironic than the song, was the woman singing it-Whitney Houston herself. I think back to when she first sang that song and the video where she was deliriously happy and pregnant with her and Bobby Brown's 'lovechild'. Perhaps at that time she thought she was 'Every Woman', and that she could be everything Bobby Brown wanted her to be, including a crackhead. Reflecting on who she was before that relationship to now, there is quite a difference.
Who we become when we are in a relationship is always something to be best measured by how our lives change. A woman who is lively and vibrant, then becomes distant and sullen is not reaping the benefits of a healthy relationship. Instead she is most likely investing all that she has for the sake of being in the relationship. Now, relationships are all about give and take, but in a healthy balance that doesn't leave anyone compromising who they were created to be. But why do we feel it's necessary to give far beyond what we have?
We've done it all, from changing our hairstyles, to the way we dress. We spend money we don't have to help "support him", then if it turns out he doesn't wanna be with us or we aren't the one for him we end up bitter. He's a football fanatic, so now we are too. We become their Mothers, over-nurturing and catering;trying to solve every problem he might have. We take on their children and try to be Step-mom of the year. Whatever he needs, we immediately feel it's our responsibility to provide. He needs a suit, he needs a tie, he needs bus fare, he's hungry, he needs new shoes, He needs to go to church, maybe he'll come with me.We sacrifice the needs of our own children just to be everything to them, we stop taking care of ourselves to please him, "I need to get my hair done, but he's broke so..." This leaves us empty and spiritually bankrupt. But we keep pursuing the man, the relationship at all costs, losing ourselves every step of the way.
Consider this: If you lose sight of who you are and your purpose then he isn't the one. It is impossible to become 'Every Woman' to keep a man. If you don't like long walks on the beach, but he does, or you're shy and reserved but he's a talker-then don't try to become a super talkative beach lover just to keep him interested. It's a juggling act that is exhausting to keep up, and after awhile we see that it is impossible to change someone, but what you're doing to yourself if far more detrimental. All that giving, and what do you get back?
The over-investing part is what makes us wanna slash tires and cuss out his mama when the relationship ends. Because you never liked her anyway, but you faked it to be 'Every Woman'. And you figure you have the right to slash his tires, because after all-you bought them anyway, right? But, why did you buy them? Its one thing to buy something because you want to, not for what you hope to get in return. Ladies, we've got to stop doing things to keep men that we assume will end up in a marriage proposal. We've gotta stop chasing men who are "Just Not That Into Us", we've got to leave MARRIED men alone, and we've gotta stop looking for love everywhere.
We all know the scripture; "He who finds a wife,finds a good thing.." My suggestion is this: Find your purpose, Live your life, Love yourself, and the one created for you will FIND YOU. Don't try to be 'Every Woman', find out who YOU are; and Be that Woman.
Blessings,
Verse
