Ready To Say "I DO?"

How many times have you been a bridesmaid? I've done it enough times to host an Ugly Dress Convention. But we all know that satin monstrosity of a dress you get stuck with is usually just the icing on the cake. Deep down we're wondering, "When the heck am I gonna get married?"

The question is, are we Really Ready? Sure, the idea of marriage is exciting. Picking out the dress, the cake, and the venue are usually the first things we get frantic about. Then we think about the lonely days coming to an end. Great Sex. Emotional security, financial stability. Getting out of debt, and buying the house with the white picket fence. Having his babies. Family vacations, being held every night, and spending up his money. Someone else taking the trash out, warming up the car, carrying the groceries, and the list goes on and on. Spend some time with someone whose been married for years, and they'll be the first to tell you: It's no fantasy! Marriage is commitment and commitment is work. Marriage is dropping the "I" to become "WE".

The thing I'm starting to love about being single is this: Jesus loves me so much, that before he blesses me with a mate-he's allowing me to fall in love with him, and work on our relationship. He's teaching me how to be selfless, and how to serve him effectively in ministry. And the responsibility of this is huge. He's teaching me how to be patient with him(especially when I don't get my way), and how to allow him to care for my emotional needs so that I don't burden my man with them-but rather work them out with someone who knows all the answers. He's teaching me the difference between joy and happiness. And he's giving me the room to work through my past wounds, so I can become emotionally whole without harming another man.

Consider this: The most important lesson we can learn in our singleness is the power of Commitment,Compromise, and Sacrifice. To say "I Do", means to say "Yes" to all these things. During my worship time yesterday, I was listening to the song "Yes" by Shekinah Glory. Now, I've listened to this song many times while screaming yes,yes,yes to the Lord. But this time He spoke to me about what saying yes really means:

"Are you really ready to say yes? You single women want so desperately to say yes to a man, but can you say yes to me? Not just with words but with your actions? There is more that I require of thee.. Can you comitt your life to me, even when it gets hard and you don't like it? Even when it hurts, and makes you uncomfortable? I predestined you before the world began to do my will! Come on up a little higher, think higher, seek my face, hear my voice-and when you hear my voice, harden not your heart. Can you committ to serving me for the rest of your life? For better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health? Can you say Yes, I do to that?"

In that moment, I was completely blown away. Wow! We spend so much time wondering why we don't have the man, why we're alone, why this, why that, why,why why? That we completely forget about what we should be doing for the Lord. Satan uses our emotions to trick us into believing that we need to get married to have our needs met. But that's especially when it's soooo not about us! Life never is! It's about service to someone else. I feel my help coming! If we, in our singleness are not ready and willing to comitt to Jesus, then what gives us the right to expect a Great man?!

Are you ready to say "Yes, I do"? This was my response to the Lord yesterday, But I'll share with you all, so we can do this together... and that way we can hold each other accountable:

Jesus, my love...Today I say Yes to you. And I'll continue to say Yes, because my flesh is incomplete and imperfect without you. Yes, I'll follow you. Yes, I'll go wherever you want me to go. Yes, I'll present my body as a living sacrifice. Yes, give up my will for yours. Yes, I will walk in my purpose. Yes, I'll seek your face. Yes, I'll listen for your voice. Yes, I'll spend time with you. Yes, I'll put aside my selfish wants and desires to give you what you need. Yes, I'll communicate with you and tell you what's in my heart. Yes, I'll allow you to heal me. Yes, I'll take the time to get to know you better. Yes, I'll comitt to learning more about you. Yes, I'll tell others about you. Yes, Yes, Yes. For now and forever, until death do us part.. as long as we both shall live, I do.

A commitment made to the Lord is hard work, but much more fulfilling,valuable and rewarding than one made to man. And a much bigger responsibility. Sometimes husbands leave, or die, and the Lord is still there...committed to you. Are you ready to say, "I DO?

Blessings,

Verse

P.S This pic was sent to me from the bride and she commented on my lack of interest in catching the bouquet. I would be the one you see in the black and white dress watching the bridesmaids go for it!

Sexual Healing

Is it just me? Or does the Winter seem like the perfect time for steamy, sizzling, sexual escapades? Come on, girls don't be shy! You know those days when it's too cold to go outside, so you stay in? The perfect snowy afternoon with a little jazz playing in the background, vanilla scented candles and a soothing hot bath while the heat in your home is on full blast? Maybe that's just my fantasy... But it definitely sounds like the perfect getaway!

And I do mean get away. See, winter is also the home of most major holidays-Thanksgiving, Christmas, and our favorite: Valentine's Day. Thanksgiving is designed to bring us closer to family, and be grateful. Christmas is a bit more intimate, though. Have you been downtown during the Christmas season? It seems like everyone is in love. Couples are everywhere, holding hands, sipping hot chocolate, and shopping for gifts. It's truly something to be in a department store and spot the finest brother ever shopping the women's section.

While I am most certainly relieved that the Holiday season is over, I have to share with you all that this season was particularly challenging for me. This year, I had no man to share it with. There was no "chestnuts roasting on an open fire", no"Santa Baby to hurry down the chimney tonight", and no "mistletoe to hang low while I get to know someone better, This Christmas". I found myself feeling lonelier than usual, distant, cranky and withdrawn. Have I mentioned to you that most of my friends are either engaged, or in long-term relationships? I spent the Holidays with other couples, when really what I wanted was to cuddle with someone special.
I also had the pleasure of finding out that my ex-husband got married and his new baby was born on Christmas Day. Hmmph. Yeah, I felt like I was the last single woman alive and I just needed to be close to someone. And in the midst of all this vulnerability, I started to feel a strong desire to have sex.

Even though I have known all too well that feeling after you've given up your virtue to someone who isn't The One. I was so willing to go back like "a dog returns to its vomit."(2 Peter 2:22) Have you ever slipped up, and seconds later you realize it just wasn't worth it?? I reached out and spoke with my accountability partner, a man whom I trust and love as a brother,(and who is also engaged to my best friend-for you eyebrow raisers!) and he asked me a simple question. Is it really sex that you're looking for or companionship?
Now that got me thinking..I had to pause a moment before I answered. I didn't want to have a few minutes of pleasure with just anyone. I actually wanted to have the real thing, someone to call 'baby', make goo-goo eyes with, hold hands, and talk on the phone into the wee hours of the night. A chocolate brother who smells nice, and looks good in turtlenecks to go shopping with, and have coffee downtown. I wanted to watch a movie and order pizza while the snow was falling. So, it was definitely companionship that I craved more. His answer was simple "You are a beautiful person, and you deserve to be loved. But if you continue to settle for less, then that's all you'll ever get." Sisters, how powerful it is to hear that from a man who sincerely has your best interest at heart!

I wish I could tell you that I got on my knees and cried out to God, and he answered by taking the desire away, but that didn't happen. It was a process, and it took real work on my part. I had to be willing to ask myself honest questions and give honest answers. Why was sex still my way of dealing with loneliness and vulnerability? Why, when I knew I wanted more was I still willing to compromise my value, and fall into lustful temptation and thinking? Why wasn't my virtue more important to me than temporary satisfaction of the flesh? And deep down, didn't my heart feel like it deserved so much more?

Well ladies, the answer I got from the Holy Spirit was that his "Grace is sufficient enough for me, and that his strength is made perfect in my weakness"(2 Cor. 12:9)...And that's all I heard. He began to show me my limitations, and how my depending on him to help me get through this season was much more about his effectiveness in my life than my own. In admitting that I was feeling weak, tempted, and vulnerable beyond my control only affirmed his strength. And this struggle definitely made me more sensitive to the needs of my fellow sisters.

Ladies, I'll close by reminding us all of this: We are beautiful, we do deserved to be loved, but if we settle for less-that's all we'll ever get..."So, yes I agree with Marvin Gaye when he said, "when I get that feeling..I need sexual healing". But since that isn't all I need, I'll wait on the Lord, and I trust him to bring me the desires of my heart.