Sexual Healing

Is it just me? Or does the Winter seem like the perfect time for steamy, sizzling, sexual escapades? Come on, girls don't be shy! You know those days when it's too cold to go outside, so you stay in? The perfect snowy afternoon with a little jazz playing in the background, vanilla scented candles and a soothing hot bath while the heat in your home is on full blast? Maybe that's just my fantasy... But it definitely sounds like the perfect getaway!

And I do mean get away. See, winter is also the home of most major holidays-Thanksgiving, Christmas, and our favorite: Valentine's Day. Thanksgiving is designed to bring us closer to family, and be grateful. Christmas is a bit more intimate, though. Have you been downtown during the Christmas season? It seems like everyone is in love. Couples are everywhere, holding hands, sipping hot chocolate, and shopping for gifts. It's truly something to be in a department store and spot the finest brother ever shopping the women's section.

While I am most certainly relieved that the Holiday season is over, I have to share with you all that this season was particularly challenging for me. This year, I had no man to share it with. There was no "chestnuts roasting on an open fire", no"Santa Baby to hurry down the chimney tonight", and no "mistletoe to hang low while I get to know someone better, This Christmas". I found myself feeling lonelier than usual, distant, cranky and withdrawn. Have I mentioned to you that most of my friends are either engaged, or in long-term relationships? I spent the Holidays with other couples, when really what I wanted was to cuddle with someone special.
I also had the pleasure of finding out that my ex-husband got married and his new baby was born on Christmas Day. Hmmph. Yeah, I felt like I was the last single woman alive and I just needed to be close to someone. And in the midst of all this vulnerability, I started to feel a strong desire to have sex.

Even though I have known all too well that feeling after you've given up your virtue to someone who isn't The One. I was so willing to go back like "a dog returns to its vomit."(2 Peter 2:22) Have you ever slipped up, and seconds later you realize it just wasn't worth it?? I reached out and spoke with my accountability partner, a man whom I trust and love as a brother,(and who is also engaged to my best friend-for you eyebrow raisers!) and he asked me a simple question. Is it really sex that you're looking for or companionship?
Now that got me thinking..I had to pause a moment before I answered. I didn't want to have a few minutes of pleasure with just anyone. I actually wanted to have the real thing, someone to call 'baby', make goo-goo eyes with, hold hands, and talk on the phone into the wee hours of the night. A chocolate brother who smells nice, and looks good in turtlenecks to go shopping with, and have coffee downtown. I wanted to watch a movie and order pizza while the snow was falling. So, it was definitely companionship that I craved more. His answer was simple "You are a beautiful person, and you deserve to be loved. But if you continue to settle for less, then that's all you'll ever get." Sisters, how powerful it is to hear that from a man who sincerely has your best interest at heart!

I wish I could tell you that I got on my knees and cried out to God, and he answered by taking the desire away, but that didn't happen. It was a process, and it took real work on my part. I had to be willing to ask myself honest questions and give honest answers. Why was sex still my way of dealing with loneliness and vulnerability? Why, when I knew I wanted more was I still willing to compromise my value, and fall into lustful temptation and thinking? Why wasn't my virtue more important to me than temporary satisfaction of the flesh? And deep down, didn't my heart feel like it deserved so much more?

Well ladies, the answer I got from the Holy Spirit was that his "Grace is sufficient enough for me, and that his strength is made perfect in my weakness"(2 Cor. 12:9)...And that's all I heard. He began to show me my limitations, and how my depending on him to help me get through this season was much more about his effectiveness in my life than my own. In admitting that I was feeling weak, tempted, and vulnerable beyond my control only affirmed his strength. And this struggle definitely made me more sensitive to the needs of my fellow sisters.

Ladies, I'll close by reminding us all of this: We are beautiful, we do deserved to be loved, but if we settle for less-that's all we'll ever get..."So, yes I agree with Marvin Gaye when he said, "when I get that feeling..I need sexual healing". But since that isn't all I need, I'll wait on the Lord, and I trust him to bring me the desires of my heart.